The truth is, you should never give up on your child, even if they are in the deepest rut of addiction. Giving up means that you’ve surrendered to despair and hopelessness. As a parent, it’s wise to let go of trying to control your son and his behaviors because there’s not much a parent can do to stop an adult son from using drugs or forcing him into rehab. But giving up is not necessarily the answer either because there is a lot you can do to support and guide your son until he ultimately decides to pursue recovery.
Are you wondering: my son is on drugs; how can I help him? Or are you looking for ways to stop worrying about a drug-addicted son? This article will help you understand the difference between giving up and letting go of control, what you can do to support your son going through addiction, and how to subtly influence your son toward recovery.
Loving a Son With an Addiction
As a parent, it may be very difficult to accept the fact that your son is addicted to drugs. It’s normal to have some sort of vision for your son’s life and feel frustration and despair when they fall into a drug addiction instead. Parents may feel angry, resentful, sad, unloving, or in denial about the situation.
As a result of those feelings, parents may be tempted to throw their son out of the house, deny vehemently that their son has a problem, worry endlessly about their son, or yell at and put them down. Although these feelings are normal, they are unhelpful and destructive when trying to help your drug-addicted son recover from their addiction. Admitting that ‘my son is an addict’ may feel like the hardest thing, but in reality, it’s the first step to helping your son recover effectively.
Even for loving parents, loving a drug-addicted son is challenging. Especially if their style of love is conditional on their son’s behaviors, they may feel justified in not loving their son while addicted to drugs. In reality, love should not be dependent on anything other than the essence of the child. Your drug-addict son deserves your love just because he exists and was born to you. This is known as unconditional love and is vital for every child, especially if they are struggling with an addiction.
Letting Go Versus Giving Up
There’s a fine line between letting go of control over your child and giving up on your child completely. As mentioned previously, giving up means resorting to hopelessness. Letting go, however, is a healthy action that parents may take to benefit themselves and their drug-addicted son.
Letting go means that you accept reality, understand your limits in the situation, and stop trying to force a different outcome. Parents who haven’t let go may badger their son every day to go to rehab, engage in destructive enabling behaviors, and try to hide or confiscate their son’s drugs. As part of letting go, parents can step back, stop trying to force a certain outcome, and instead be loving, supportive, and serve as a safe place for their struggling son.
How to Help my Addicted Son:
My son is on drugs. How can I help him?
The role of a parent in their child’s addiction is to be supportive in a non-enabling way. Here are some ideas how to deal with a son who is addicted to drugs:
- Educate yourself- Understanding that addiction is a chronic disease and not a character flaw or moral failing will help you empathize more with your son. Additionally, acknowledging that professional intervention is needed to help your child recover, and researching appropriate rehab centers, will empower you to make informed decisions and help your child immediately when he is ready.
- Acceptance- Learn to accept your son just the way he is. He may engage in destructive, hurtful, and harmful behaviors, but is still lovable and beautiful inside. Accept that the addiction is out of your control, and no matter how much love or consequences you give your child, only he can pull himself out of this rut and choose recovery. Trust that your son is an adult; with your help and support, he will make better choices someday.
- Professional help- Consider reaching out for professional help to help you navigate this difficult situation. There are support groups like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon where parents can share experiences, best practices, and coping mechanisms. You may also decide to go for family therapy or one-on-one talk therapy.
- Be supportive- Keep the lines of communication between you and your son open. Encourage your son to share what he’s going through, and provide a nonjudgmental, listening ear. Show empathy, love, and understanding when he shares his feelings, and show him that you are a safe place for him no matter what.
- Healthy outlets- You can encourage your son to find different coping mechanisms for uncomfortable feelings, like spending time with emotionally healthy friends, engaging in activities or hobbies he enjoys, and doing meditation or yoga. Encouraging positive habits like eating healthy, maintaining a proper sleep schedule, and exercising may also help your son recover faster.
- Set boundaries- Clearly establish what you will and won’t tolerate from your son. If he lives at home, you may have a rule that he may not bring any of his drug-addicted friends into your house. If he has moved out already, you may decide that he may not bring any drugs or drug paraphernalia into your home. These boundaries should be lovingly and firmly enforced to protect yourself and your family.
- Self-care- It’s almost impossible to keep supporting and giving to your son when your own tank is running low. Take the time to refuel by doing things you enjoy, spending time with people you love, and finding the support network needed for harder days. It may be a simple hike in nature, taking art classes, or chatting at a coffee shop with your spouse or friend once a week.
- Stay positive- It’s easy to fall into despair and hopelessness when your son doesn’t seem to acknowledge the damage he is doing to himself and others with his addiction. If your son does go for help, it can be doubly disappointing when he relapses. Try to focus on his growth, the small steps he has taken, and the bigger picture of long-term recovery. A relapse doesn’t mean you’re back to square one. Believing in your son and his ability to recover completely may be the single factor that will get him through to the finish line.
- Don’t engage in enabling behavior- Enabling behavior is highly destructive. Don’t shield your son from the natural negative consequences of using drugs. For example, if your son risks losing his job because he doesn’t show up to work consistently, don’t fill in for him or petition his boss to keep his job behind his back. Allowing the addict to experience the natural consequences of their actions may actually be their impetus for reaching out for help.
Tough Love For a Drug Addict Son
Although, for the most part, there isn’t much that can be done to speed the way to recovery for your son, some parents may consider staging an intervention when the situation is dire. In the case of a son who has complete disregard for anyone or anything because prolonged drug use has rewired his brain, or other extreme cases, a professional interventionist should be contacted to help you plan a loving, supportive, but firm intervention. This will force your son to go for help, or risk losing everyone and everything near and dear to him.
When to Let Go of A Drug-Addicted Son
It’s a great idea for every parent of a drug-addicted son to let go of any perceived control over the son’s addiction. There are, however, certain red flags which indicate that it’s essential for the parent to take a step back immediately and reach out for professional intervention to prevent further damage to themselves and their son:
- When a parent becomes financially unstable because they are using all the money they have (and don’t have) to help their son, but their son is unwilling to commit to change and hasn’t shown any progress.
- When the son is dragging the parent into potential danger to their freedom, such as committing unlawful acts that can land the parent in legal trouble if they are found to have been an accomplice.
- When the son becomes a danger or a threat to himself or to others through violent, uncontrollable, or risky behavior that scares both the parents and the siblings and threatens their physical safety.
- When the parents or other children are suffering emotionally due to the addiction - for example, if a child shows symptoms of anxiety, depression, PTSD, or other emotionally disturbing or regressive behaviors.
Conclusion
Learning how to deal with a drug addict son may not have been on your agenda when your child was an angelic, lovable baby, but life throws us many surprises, and we have to try to accept and work through every challenge as best we can.
Avenues Recovery Center is here to provide guidance, support, and information to help you navigate life with a drug-addicted son. We have helped thousands of people overcome their addictions and we can help your child too. We are committed to providing all our patients with top-notch care and professionalism. We use a mix of traditional and holistic therapies to facilitate optimal success and to give every individual the unique help they need. Reach out to Avenues Recovery today to begin the journey towards the happy, healthy and sober future you deserve.