If you’re the parent of a child or several children, you know that it’s important to have a conversation with your child/ren about drugs. They need to be warned about the dangers of drug use, how to avoid the common pitfalls of drug addiction, and how to deal with the social peer pressure from friends.
People who struggle with drug or alcohol addiction may have more difficulty having those conversations with their children. They may feel triggered and unable to speak about the topic in a neutral, non-demanding way. In contrast, people who do not struggle with drug and alcohol addiction may have different challenges when trying to speak about the topic.
This article will explain the age-appropriate discussions you should have with your children to bring awareness about the problem of drug and alcohol addiction. Read on for how to talk to your child about drugs and alcohol, why these conversations are important, how to explain addiction to a child, and what you can do to help your children avoid addiction.
Why It’s Important to Talk About Drugs and Alcohol To Your Child
As parents, you may underestimate the profound effect your values, beliefs, and casual conversations have on your children. The truth is that children are greatly influenced by what they see and hear at home from a young age.
You may be tempted to avoid discussing the topic altogether. However, children will ultimately be exposed to drugs and alcohol at some point in their lives, and children who are prepared in advance with perspective and guidance from their parents are less likely to misuse these substances right away.
The younger children are, the more impressionable they are and the more they respect your opinion. Unfortunately, many children are exposed to the adrenaline rush of drugs and alcohol for the first time from the age of 9-12. If you gently discuss substance use from a young age, they are more likely to absorb your advice and avoid the downward slope of substance use disorder.
Tips on How To Talk To Your Kids About Drugs
Talking to children about drugs and alcohol may be difficult for you. In truth, it’s advisable not to have one serious conversation but rather to talk about it naturally and mention it in passing from when your children are young. The point of speaking about drugs and alcohol is to introduce the topic and invite your children to discuss it with you at every stage of their lives.
Here are some tips for having these conversations with your children:
- Educate yourself- Know the facts, statistics, and trends of drug and alcohol misuse. Educate yourself on which substances your children are most likely to be exposed to, how dangerous or deadly they are, how addictive they are, and the short- and long-term effects of misusing drugs and alcohol.
- Be clear- Don’t skirt around the issue. Introducing the concept and being unclear with your stance can confuse children. State clearly what you believe and what you expect your children to do (or not to do).
- Speak calmly- Don’t get defensive, angry, or annoyed. Try to speak neutrally and invite your children to share their thoughts, feelings, and questions. Allow your children the space to absorb your messages and think them through independently.
- Be supportive- Your children must know that you will support them no matter where they end up. Don’t be judgmental or speak with disdain about people struggling with addiction so your children know you will be supportive and loving if they find themselves on that path.
- Be prepared- If your children are intelligent or inquisitive, they may demand answers to questions relating to drug and alcohol use that may be difficult to answer. Be prepared to give an age-appropriate answer to your children’s questions so they aren’t left to wonder.
- Give advice- Explain to your children that drugs and alcohol are usually a method of escape from negative emotions such as fear, sadness, resentment, and anger. Teach them positive ways to deal with difficult emotions so they don’t turn to substances.
- Present facts, not feelings- Mention how using substances is illegal for children, how it can cause greater long-term damage than adults who use them, and the rate of deaths among children and adults who abuse drugs or alcohol. Avoid mention of strong negative words that express feelings, like ‘disgusting,’ ‘idiotic,’ and ‘foolish.’
How To Have Casual Discussions About Drugs and Alcohol With Your Child
Look out for moments that can be used to educate your child on drugs or alcohol. If your child has heard of a child or teenager who was arrested or overdosed on drugs or alcohol, that’s an obvious time to explain to them how harmful substance use is.
However, you don’t have to wait for something as drastic as a death or arrest. If you see an adult drinking a glass of wine, mention that the adult is responsible for drinking just one glass. If you notice a teenager using drugs, or you see a child or teenager who is high on drugs or alcohol, take a moment to explain what they are doing and the risks associated with it.
If your child knows someone, either a friend, family member, neighbor, or classmate, who is struggling with substance use disorder, it may be a good opportunity to clear up their confusion about the person’s behavior while explaining in a nonjudgmental way what substance abuse is and the short- and long-term damage it can cause.
Having Discussions at Different Ages
At every age, you need to consider the age-appropriate way to discuss drugs, alcohol, and addiction with your children. Here is some guidance on how to talk to young adults about drug use, starting from when they are young children until they become adults:
- Ages 3-7: Point out when you notice children or adults using alcohol or drugs and explain, in the simplest terms, that these behaviors can be harmful if they are used without following the recommended guidelines. Explain how they feel when they use drugs or alcohol without making it sound glamorous or exciting and how horrible they feel after the effects wear off.
- Ages 8-12: Initiate the conversation by asking if they’ve heard anything about people using drugs or alcohol, and ask neutrally whether or not they’ve tried it themselves. Explain how harmful substances can be for children whose bodies and minds aren’t fully developed. At this point, they are usually open to hearing your advice and voicing their questions and concerns.
- Ages 13-17: During the teen years, children are exposed to family and friends who constantly use substances. If you keep the line of communication open from a young age and develop a close and loving relationship, they will likely voice their questions and concerns, ask you for advice, and share their uncertainties. Speak nonjudgmentally, casually, and lovingly so they will stay open to discussing the topic with you.
Questions Children May Ask About Drugs
At different ages of your children’s lives, they’ll ask different questions about substances. Here are some common questions children ask and answers on how to explain alcoholism to a child, as well as drug abuse and addiction. You can simplify the responses for younger children or provide more details for older teenagers:
Q: Why do people use drugs and alcohol?
A: Drugs and alcohol make people feel good temporarily, but they really are just an escape. After the good feelings fade, they are left with the same unpleasant feelings they tried to escape, along with the horrible withdrawal effects and long-term damage to the brain and body.
Q: Why do people continue using drugs or alcohol if it isn’t good for them/ if they feel the negative effects?
A: Once a person uses drugs or alcohol for a long time, their body gets used to it and cannot survive without it. This is called addiction. They can’t stop themselves from continuing to use drugs or alcohol, regardless of the many negative physical, emotional, and psychological effects that they experience.
Q: Why can’t I have just a bit of drugs and alcohol sometimes? You drink alcohol. Why can’t I?
A: It’s illegal for children under the age of 18 to have drugs or alcohol. (If your children are older, you can specify what the legal consequences of underage drinking and drug use are). Besides, when your brain and body aren’t yet fully formed, drugs and alcohol can cause many negative effects, including addiction, lowered IQ, higher risk of suicide, unwanted sex, violence, and other negative short- and long-term consequences.
Q: Did you drink or use drugs as a kid?
A: Yes, I did use alcohol/ drugs as a child. However, today, as an adult, I know how harmful alcohol and drugs are for children. I am aware of the negative effects of using drugs and alcohol as a child and therefore advise you, as a mature adult, not to make the same mistakes as I did. (Don’t lie to your child because they will likely find out somehow what you did as a child. Rather, be honest but clear about your perspective today).
Q: What should I do if my friend asks me to drink?
A: You can learn different strategies for saying ‘no’ without sounding socially awkward, uncool, or nerdy. For example, you can give an excuse like, ‘I need to be sober today, I have an event to attend,’ or even ‘I can never do that; my parents would kill me!’
Q: My friends all drink/ use drugs, and they seem to be fine. Why can’t I do it too?
A: Not drinking or using drugs when your friends are is really tough. I commend you for being strong and doing the right thing in the face of such immense social pressure. It’s important for you to know that although your friends look like they’re fine, they haven’t yet experienced any of the horrible physical, emotional, and psychological effects that drugs and alcohol cause in the present and in the future.
Q: There’s alcohol/ drugs at every party I go to. How am I supposed to desist from taking some?
A: Resisting drugs and alcohol when your friends are enjoying it at a party is extremely difficult. You can either decide to avoid venues where your friends will be using illegal and harmful substances, or you can practice resisting peer pressure now- a skill you will need for the future.
Preventing Your Children From Using Drugs And Alcohol
Ultimately, if you live in a society with family and friends, you can’t protect your child from substances. Children attend school, after-school clubs, and other venues where they meet all sorts of children or adults who can expose them or influence them to use drugs or alcohol- and you can’t always stop them.
However, there are some things you can do to help your child avoid falling into substance use disorder:
- Educate yourself- Ensure you know all the signs of substance misuse and addiction. Children usually display certain behaviors like locking themselves in their rooms for significant amounts of time, hanging out with a new crowd of friends, secluding themselves from their family and social events, and other suspicious behaviors like having a different smell or using mints obsessively.
- Be involved- Make sure you know who your child’s friends are, where they’re hanging out, what their attitudes and beliefs around substances are, and whether or not they’ve tried using drugs or alcohol. The more involved you are in your children’s lives, the more chances you have of spotting and stopping potentially addictive behaviors.
- Build a relationship- From a young age, build a loving, close relationship with your child. Increase trust by validating their fears and concerns, showing genuine interest in their lives, and encouraging open communication so they are more likely to be open to your advice or turn to you for help when they’re in trouble.
- Be nonjudgmental- If you suspect your child may be using or already addicted to drugs or alcohol, or if you think their close friends may be using drugs or alcohol, encourage your children to discuss it with you. Offer impartial advice and assistance without showing disdain, distrust, or anger.
- Be cautious- If your child may be dependent on substances or already addicted, proceed with caution. Don’t confront your child, blame, or take any drastic measures like punishing, forcing your child to say or do certain things, or threatening your child. Rather, be kind and allow your child to open up and share with you so you can help them.
How To Explain Drugs To A Child: The Bottom Line
Having conversations with your children about drug and alcohol use is difficult. You may be tempted to shy away from the topic, but realize how essential it is to empower your children with knowledge before they are exposed and potentially influenced by others.
Be prepared by researching and finding the resources you need for effective conversations. Remember that having a few official discussions, although certainly somewhat helpful, is nowhere near as effective as having many casual conversations from a young age.
If you would like some more guidance on how to discuss drugs and alcohol with your child, or if you believe your child may already be struggling with substance abuse, reach out to Avenues Recovery for help and support. Our professional team can help you navigate this difficult topic and guide you on how to best assist your child.