Watching a loved one waste their life away through drugs is a painful experience. As a loving, caring family member or friend, you may feel compelled to do everything you can to help the addict realize how harmful their habits are, enroll them in an effective drug rehab program, and provide all the love and support needed for an addict to reach sobriety.
The challenge is that people struggling with addiction often don’t want help at all. They are commonly in denial, doing everything they can to hide the addiction or prove that they have it under control and can stop taking drugs at any moment. Trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped is not only futile, but damaging to the person trying to help.
This article will address how to support an addict in a healthy way, how to help an addict without enabling unhealthy behaviors, and how to find the support and guidance you need as a family member or friend of an addict.
Common Myths about Addiction
A great source of frustration and disappointment for family members and friends of addicts is ignorance. Here are some false beliefs that the loved ones of an addict may have:
- Addicts can stop taking drugs or alcohol if they really want to, or if they try hard enough.
- Addicts are selfish, uncaring, or have other moral/ character flaws, causing them to prioritize their enjoyment of drugs over their responsibilities and relationships.
- A family member, friend, or other unlicensed professional can help an addict recover completely from addiction on their own.
- The loved ones of an addict should force the addict to stop taking drugs if the addict is unable or unwilling to do so on their own.
These beliefs are entirely untrue. The reality is that addiction is more powerful than any desire, value, or consideration. An addict is simply incapable of quitting drugs on their own or with just the support of a loved one- a licensed mental health professional must be involved. Additionally, forcing a loved one to stop taking drugs is completely ineffective, adding more stress to an already stressful situation. Lastly, a loved one trying to help an addict who doesn’t want help causes unhealthy dynamics that cause issues for the addict as well as the loved one.
Educate Yourself About Addiction
The first step when discussing how to help an addict who doesn't want help is to educate yourself about the characteristics of addiction, the process of detox, and the accompanying withdrawal symptoms. Although education on the topic does not qualify you to help the addict recover from their addiction, it will give you a better understanding of what you’re dealing with, allow you to be more sympathetic to the struggle of an addict, and will empower you to make beneficial decisions on behalf of the addicted loved one.
Moreover, it’s important to educate yourself on different treatment options for your loved one. Find a reputable rehab facility near you that can provide the care that your loved one needs. This will allow you to give practical advice and guidance when your loved one is ready to reach out for help.
Avoiding Enabling Behavior
Enabling behavior toward an addict refers to any action or inaction that helps the addict resume their substance use with little or no consequences. Well-intentioned loved ones may want to protect an addict from the natural consequences of addiction for many reasons, including:
- Trying to lower the stress around addiction so they will stop using on their own.
- As a sign of misguided love and support.
- To avoid embarrassment.
Here are some examples of enabling behavior toward an addict:
- Lying or covering up to family and friends about the addict’s absence or bad behavior
- Providing cash to purchase more drugs or financial assistance for addicts who aren’t working.
- Filling in for the addict when they are unable to work or perform other responsibilities.
- Giving the addict rides to places and people connected to their drug use.
The problem with engaging in enabling behavior is that it hinders the addict from making any progress towards sobriety. As long as loved ones are helping them or covering up for their negative behaviors, addicts do not have to face the consequences of their actions. This often causes them to become manipulative, which is very harmful to the enabling loved one as well.
Setting Limits
How to help an addict without enabling is a delicate and tricky dance. To counter any enabling behavior and to best help an addict who doesn’t want to be helped, it is essential for loved ones to set limits and boundaries. Boundaries should be strictly enforced to mitigate the physical, emotional, and mental damage to friends and family members, and to stop protecting the addict from the consequences of their behavior.
Here are some ideas of boundaries:
- Not lying or covering up for the failures of an addict.
- Not providing the financial means to purchase more drugs.
- Refusing to pay the rent or bills of an addicted loved one who is unemployed.
- Not allowing the addict to enter the home when drunk or high.
How Can You Help a Drug Addict?
Receiving help as early as possible can save the addict and their loved ones from embarrassment, legal issues, hospitalization, divorce, loss of custody, loss of job, and other negative repercussions of drug use. It’s also proven that early intervention can help an addict recover faster, as the brain hasn’t been damaged as much as long-time drug users. But it’s important to note that early intervention is often not an option because the person struggling with addiction refuses to get help, and there is very little that a loved one can do to force an addict to go for help when they are unwilling.
In such cases, the addict ultimately has to come to the realization on their own that addiction is destructive to themselves and their loved ones, and actively look for help. This often means allowing the addict to hit rock bottom, where they will come to the realization on their own, or when, at that point, an intervention may be needed. If the loved ones of an addict are educated and aware, they can be the best support system for an addict who has reached rock bottom and needs help getting out of the muck.
Staging an Intervention
An intervention is where the family and friends of an addict have a meeting with an addict and give them an ultimatum: either they go for help to recover from their addiction or risk losing everyone and everything near and dear to them.
As an example, the addict’s boss may state that the addict will lose their job, the partner will declare that they will not be able to live in their home or that they will seek a divorce, and the friends will make it clear that they will not provide any financial, emotional, or physical support, unless the addict commits to entering a drug rehab facility immediately. The loved ones of the addict also state how they will support the recovery process, like by paying for rehab or offering to take care of the kids.
An intervention is firm but at the same time loving, supportive, and caring. If you think you may need to stage an intervention for your loved one, reach out to a therapist, mental health counselor, or intervention specialist to plan the meeting to ensure the best possible outcome.
Finding Support
As a partner, child, parent, or friend of an addict, it is imperative that you find the support you need to carry you through this difficult period of your life. This will be beneficial for both you and the addict. You can join a 12-step Nar-Anon or Al-Anon group, both of which are geared to the loved ones of someone struggling with a substance use disorder.
You can also choose to see a therapist one-on-one, or join a support group. It’s important to learn how to let go of any control you may try to have over the addict, because the addiction and the choices the addict makes cannot be controlled by any outside force. Avoiding enabling behavior is also something that can be learned.
Be sure to make a conscious effort to practice self-care. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with people you like, and take part in social activities that rejuvenate you. Go shopping, get your nails done, go for a back massage, or sit in a sauna – whatever will relax you and make you feel cared for.
Conclusion
The struggles of the loved ones of an addict are often overlooked in favor of the addict themselves. While it’s true that the addict is struggling with deeper-rooted, more complex issues, the loved ones grapple with so many issues as well, as a result of the addiction.
If your loved one is dealing with a substance use disorder, know that you are not alone in your struggle. For every addict, there are multiple loved ones suffering with you. Avenues Recovery Center is here to act as a beacon of light in the darkness and to pave the way to addiction recovery. Our expert and caring staff have helped thousands of people turn their lives around, and they can help you too. We are committed to delivering top-notch addiction treatment , with utmost care and respect. Reach out to us today to find the support, guidance, and valuable information you need to get you through this difficult time.