The answer to why addiction and lying are often intertwined is complex. Addicts lie about where they have been, what they have been doing, what they’ve been spending money on, and anything else that may expose how much of a role addictive substances or behaviors play in their lives.
As the loved ones of an addict, it may be very frustrating and disappointing when the addict lies constantly. It can become hard to trust the addict, especially in conversations related to the addiction. You may wonder, why do addicts lie and manipulate? This article will discuss an addict’s lies and how it affects relationships, how to avoid being an enabler, and what you can do as the loved one of an addict who lies.
Addicts and Lying: Why Do Addicts Tend To Lie?
There are many reasons why addicts may lie, and some may have multiple motivations for doing so. Here are some common reasons and answers to the question: 'Why do drug addicts lie all the time?’:
- Shame- This is a big motivation for many addicts. They are simply too ashamed of their lack of restraint or apparent moral failings to admit, even to their loved ones, the extent of their addiction.
- Resisting change- Although most addicts know that they want to stop their destructive behaviors ‘one day,’ they are often too afraid to shake things up and make big changes in their lives to achieve that goal. Additionally, addictive behaviors may be so ingrained within them that they can’t imagine life without addiction. Hence, it’s easier for them to lie about it and pretend they aren’t really addicted.
- To keep using- Addicts are wired to prioritize their addictive behaviors above all else, regardless of the consequences. They will lie to free up more time to engage in their addictive behaviors, procure more funds for substances, or throw people off their scent. The goal is to get everything else in their lives out of the way so they can continue using their drug of choice in peace.
- Inability to deal with negative emotions- Addicts escape difficult emotions by using their substance of choice. Admitting to their addiction means that they have to deal with shame, stress, and many other uncomfortable emotions. Feeling unequipped to face their difficult emotions head-on, they may resort to lying and covering up the addiction instead.
- Brain changes- Using alcohol and drugs for a prolonged period causes physical and psychological changes, which can lead to actual distortions of reality in an addict’s mind. See below for more details.
- Fear- Addicts may be afraid to lose relationships, jobs, and the respect of people around them if they own up to their addiction. Furthermore, people using illicit substances may fear legal trouble if they tell anyone about their addiction problem.
How To Deal With an Addict Who Lies
Here are three key tips for dealing with an addict in your life who lies:
- Educate yourself- Understand that the addict isn’t trying to hurt you; they are simply suffering from an emotional illness. Once you put your hurt feelings aside, you can deal with the lying in a more rational and less personal way. You will be less likely to blame, criticize, confront, and/or say hurtful words once you feel compassion and love for the addict instead of anger, frustration, and rejection.
- Create a safe space- The more confrontational and suspicious you are, the less likely your loved one will confide in you. Create a safe space for your loved one to share by showing love, acceptance, and compassion. You don’t have to approve of or accept the negative behaviors, but you can accept your loved one and appreciate the positive aspects of their character.
- Be positive- although it’s true that the addict should stop lying and get the help they need to recover, pressurizing or trying to force the addict to change will not help. Avoid negative language. Instead, gently encourage your loved one to realize that their lives will be much better once they are free from their addiction.
How Substances Change The Brain (And Cause Addicts To Lie)
Prolonged misuse of addictive substances often causes damage to the brain that can contribute to the reason addicts lie. The consumption of drugs and alcohol triggers an increase in dopamine released from the brain. Dopamine is a feel-good hormone associated with pleasure and reward, so a drastic increase results in a euphoric state.
Over time, if the behavior is practiced constantly, the body adapts to the higher level of dopamine and depends on it to function optimally. Eventually, greater and greater dopamine levels are required to achieve the same euphoric effects as previously. This Is known as tolerance.
Once the addict has reached a certain level of tolerance, they will no longer have the ability to experience pleasure without outside assistance. In other words, the body can no longer produce dopamine naturally- so the addict uses the addictive substance to experience pleasure.
At this point, the addict may feel as though they need to continue using their substance to feel any level of pleasure. They will lie, steal, or engage in other destructive behaviors because otherwise, they have little or no joy in life.
What NOT To Do if Your Loved One Lies
Instinctively, because you may have lost trust in your addicted loved one who lies, you may question and confront the addict to force them to tell the truth. The problem is that for the reasons mentioned above, the addict isn’t able to own up so quickly- especially when there’s negativity and a lack of safe space to share.
Confronting the addict invites more lies to cover up the previous lies. This is because once confronted, the addict will feel rejected and will very likely continue to lie to gain their loved one’s approval and love again. Additionally, criticizing the addict or badgering them with lots of questions to uncover the truth will backfire, too.
It’s also very important not to personalize the lies your loved ones say. Although it’s painful and frustrating when you can’t trust a loved one due to chronic lying, you must recognize that the addict isn’t doing it to hurt you. They are suffering from a chronic disease but don’t have the tools needed to deal with it, so they must resort to lying, denial, and deceit.
Avoid Being an Enabler
“Enabling behaviors” refers to behaviors or actions that cover up for the addict and allow them to shirk responsibility for their actions, effectively prolonging their addiction. A workmate may cover up for an addicted colleague, a spouse may lie to family and friends about the addict's whereabouts at an important function, and a family member may pay an addict’s bills to avoid them losing electricity and water.
These actions allow the addict to continue practicing their destructive behaviors because their loved one is covering up for them and picking up their slack. The addict cannot feel the consequences of their harmful behavior because their loved ones are cushioning it for them.
Ironically, the enabling loved one of an addict may wish for the addict to realize the extent of the harm the addiction causes, and choose recovery, but at the same time make it almost impossible for the addict to reach rock bottom. Be mindful of how you may be covering up for the addict, as these kind of actions only help the addiction progress.
How To Tell That An Addict is Lying
Every person lies differently, so it’s hard to know if your loved one suffering from addiction is lying to you. People who lie are often very vague or say things that don’t make sense based on other information you have.
People often won’t make eye contact when they lie, which may be a clue. Additionally, people who lie may first repeat the question you asked them to give them time to think of a response.
Treatment for Drug Misuse
Living with an addict is tough. It may feel like there’s no end in sight, but the reality is that there is a tried-and-tested path to recovery. Your loved one can find serenity, peace, and freedom through sobriety as soon as they decide to embark on the journey. Reach out to Avenues Recovery today to learn more about how we can help your loved one recover.